Catching up!

OK, so I'm not very good at blogging. I admit that!  Christmas was great!  Nic woke up, I told him good morning...he lay his head back down...then I told him it was Christmas morning.  His head shot up and his eyes opened wide. "Now we can open our presents!"  It took longer than usual to get to my in-laws across the state line.  The roads were still iced over (no thanks to the city salt trucks).  It was a typical big morning with lots of presents and chocolate gravy.  Our family was in from Nashville, LA and OKC.  When my sis- and brother-in-law got in later (bc the roads were bad on I-40)  they had special C-mas cards for us.  We had to open them all together.  On the front was a verse about good news coming from a foreign land.  We opened our cards to find the words "It's a Girl"  We all at once cried out and jumped up to give hugs.  Kevin and Andrea have waited so long to adopt from Ethiopia.  She is such a beautiful baby girl named Abigail.  She was born last May and should be in the States before the summer..hopefully sooner.  They brought out an even bigger pic of Abigail and Nyle started to kiss the photo.  It was the sweetest thing ever.  I was full of tears and emotion the whole weekend. After that we hurried to the movies to watch Aaron in his movie debut, "It's Complicated."  We did see him, but it was so quick!  We are all proud.  We did the usual thing of playing games with family and friends.  Also, we went to see grandparents in Stilwell.  It is tough when you are married with kids bc you really have to divide your time btw families when there are close in proximity.  I also got to hold baby Everly who is growing up fast.  My sis and her husband how live only an hour away.  So that is good.  We spent the New Years visiting our friends in Texas and going to IKEA.  We finally got beds!  I am very excited, but now I have to put them together.  When I got back, I was faced with a job opportunity.  I had a job interview on Monday...then a callback for a second interview on Friday.  It is with a former employer.  So just to be considered is a wonderful thing.  It is in God's hands.  I will just have to wait.  The open position actually turned out better than what I thought it was.  Adam started his new job on Monday.  He commutes an hour out of state.  It's not so bad.  Hopefully we will create some structure in our house soon.

Emotions

I have so many emotions right now. First of all, Mylo has been missing for a week and a half. I held out hope...even on a couple of leads, but when they turned up nothing I finally broke down and cried tonight. He has been my friend for nearly 6 1/2 years. He was there 2 weeks before we were married. He spent many nights in Stillwater sitting on our homework...as I tried to complete statistics problems. He watched as we drove away each morning to class. Mylo was there before any kids. He was strictly an indoor cat, but sometimes he was allowed in the back yard. There was a time when I was 3 months pregnant that I had to jump the fence to get Mylo in the neighbors back yard. This was no normal back yard, but a texas chainsaw massacre looking back yard. Scary stuff. but I managed to get Mylo after climbing a very tall fence and jumping over...and still made it to work on time. Mylo has been extremely friendly and has accompanied us on several of our moves. A few weeks ago he went to Nic's school to say hi to all the kids. He had a good time. I miss his fur. I miss his love. His brother Otis misses him, too. If there was a time lately where we didn't know where Mylo was, we just call his name and he RUNS up to the porch. He is a bit of a scaredy cat about things, too. He is jumpy. So it makes it that much more unusual that he just suddenly disappeared. Now, my mom did buy some food at the store that he didn't like. So that might have prompted him to leave. But we have been calling his name for so long now. It's just not like him. So I have prayed about it, given it to God and just said if it's His will, then Mylo will come home.

But today I repented for being so superficial. I mean, I know it's a cat! It's not a human! Some people do not even know if they are going to get a meal or medical care or a place to sleep! How petty that I am praying about my cat when there are children who need to be found! Right now, there are children who are not at home where they need to be. There are babies who have cancer, who are in so much pain! There are the parents who are on the journey with their babies going through all the treatments! My heart is broken. I don't even know what to do other then to give these things to God. Specifically, Collin Marsh. Words can't even express what I am feeling for him and his family! Thankfully they are believers. Some people have no hope. I'm concerned about my cat while people are dying who do not know Jesus.

Do I know Jesus? I try to. I try to get Jesus firsthand through reading the Bible. I want Jesus in my life. Each day is a struggle. In my opinion, it's a good sign you are a believer if you are struggling. If everything's fine, then start to worry.

So, I just have all sorts of emotions right now. I am sad about Mylo, I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing in this life (where to live, what to do for money, etc.) Nic's best friend is moving and I am going to miss them so much. Because honestly, I haven't heard from many people since we have been back. And it's been Anderson's mom, Erin, who has really reached out and been so sweet and such a great friend. I am feeling some depression and overall sadness. And it's the Christmas season which probably depresses me more that we as a country miss the point. And it's super cold outside!

Maybe people haven't gotten in contact with us bc they feel we owe them an explanation. Well, you will get the filtered explanation if you ask. And if you have a problem that we came home from Hungary, I guarantee there are places in the world where you can go serve as a missionary if you're that concerned about it!

Fall is Here!

So it's November now. I am not great at blogging at all. I do have all these thoughts all the time, but just don't get around to blogging! My boys are pure joy! Motherhood is the toughest job- EVER! It would be a whole lot easier just to drop them off and go to a professional job. I've been there and done both. Being at home with the kids is full...by that I mean that it is a full day and there is not a dull moment. It's an honor though that I get to be Nic and Nyle's mom. Lately I have been looking up to Mrs. Duggar. She is just so calm. I am really interested in their family and really think their life is simplified and they are living according to their convictions. My convictions are not theirs and vice versa. But I think it's amazing that God created us all different with unique qualities that we might be able to relate to different people.

On Monday when we picked Nic up from school (Nyle had diarrhea and was unable to attend) Nic's teacher took Adam aside and told him what our son had said...oh no! Well, it wasn't a cuss word or anything but Nic was sitting on the steps just minutes before we got there. A girl in his class said that her grandpa had died. Nic's response was "yeah, my dad's dead. He was shot." can you imagine? he is such a story teller! His little brain is always thinking up something new.

So on Halloween Adam and I stayed home and passed out candy and watched the game. The boys went to Meme and Papa's church.

This life is flying by fast! We will always be seeking where we are supposed to be. This transition from the international mission field back to American life in the States has been tough!

venting

Dear midwives, please keep your phone on silent.

Dear mothers-in-law, please keep your birthing stories to yourself during someone else's labor.

Thanks!

A place to lay my head...

God is definitely my provider of all of my needs. I am very grateful that I never have to worry about that. But as I was reading my Bible the other day I had a question. Jesus didn't have a place to lay his head. So are we supposed to be like Jesus in that aspect? Are we supposed to even have a house and have a mortgage? But then I thought about how Jesus depended on others so that he could have a hot meal and a place to sleep. Anyway, this is just one of many thoughts that go through my head. Seems like the more I dive (or delve?...I'll have to look that up) deeper into the Bible, the much more I realize I do not know. I have SOOO many questions that probably make me look like I am not that spiritually mature. But sometimes you have to go back to the basics and really think about things. Right now at this moment I am sitting in my sister's house in a room with a very slow computer. I was helping her with her labor of her first child. Then it seemed like I might just be in the way, so I retreated back here. I go check on her about every 15 minutes. She is progressing well and doing a good job with the home birth. I am very bored and dependent upon Facebook to have communication with the world out there.

Seems like I am just horrible about blogging. Well the boys started school a couple weeks ago. Nic is in the 4-year-old class and Nyle Anker is in the class with one-year-olds. Nyle Baba cries every time. It's so sad to leave. He's a good boy though. They give him his blanket and then he's probably fine. Today is yellow week for Nic. The kids are supposed to wear yellow and all I could find was a 3T shirt. So it was too small, but that's all the yellow we had. Well, we also had a school T-shirt but it was like a size 10, so that didn't work too well. I try to be a good mom and have all their paperwork filled out and all their family pictures ready and Nyle's diapers ready with his name on them. Being a mom is tough! It's a lot of work and I think two is manageable!

Well, I will go for now. But I just wanted to update!

Another new beginning

So I know that God says nothing in the Bible about promising that you'll live this happy American life in a house that is furnished like a picture out of Better Homes & Gardens, BUT...this is just one desire of my heart...I think of most women's hearts. Women desire to make a home. I personally have come a long way in this area. I think that God understands that women use their home as ministry... to their family, friends, neighbors.

I have a deep desire to settle in for a while. I don't really think I know what that means though. Since I have been married to Adam (we're on our 7th year) we have lived in 7 different places...that I remember! My life has basically been chaos since I said "I do."

But I remember that God says that He will take care of our needs...and of course he has. I just want to be able to have a bed...not from a yard sale and not a hand me down. Is that too much to ask? We just purchased our 4th home (experts, right?)....we sold everything we own to move to Hungary...and when I say everything...I mean everything! OK, so we have some toys and wedding china in storage, but that's about it people! Sometimes I'm selfish and want a housewarming party to start us out right. Like a sweeper like the one I had in Hungary would be so great for our wood floors. Something so simple like that would really make me happy!

Cleaning supplies makes a mom happy! WOW, I never knew it would come to that, but then again, I didn't think shaving my legs would turn into a luxury either!

So I have been peeling through the layers of wallpaper in bedrooms...hoping to get to the sheet rock. It's been a fun, difficult and surprisingly an emotional experience. I see that someone a long time ago (1940s) took the time to put that up. In the boys' room I discovered a heart drawn on the wall with an arrow through it. How sweet! combine that with an afternoon of country music and you've got tears from Jennah.

I am just so emotional lately. the other night I silently cried myself to sleep as I was praying for our friends in Budapest. I knew that their day was just beginng and April was probably getting the kids ready and making breakfast. They used to be a train ride away. April and her husband Monte are such an encouragement to me. So I just missed them! I am sad that we are back in the States.

but I am glad that the boys will be going back to school this fall.

This is just another new beginning for me and for our family. No telling how long we will be here.

Broken heart and baby shower

So God has really broken my heart lately. It seems like I want to cry about everything. I could just cry at any moment, especially when I think about Hungary. I miss it. But I know we are supposed to be here right now. The other day I was convicted by not being bold enough for Jesus. I was talking to someone about Hungary and mentioning something about the culture. The person said, "I wonder why that is?" And my response was "I don't know." But the truth is that I do know. It's because Jesus is not their Lord. That is the answer. So why was I not bold enough to say that? Was I afraid of offending anyone? So what if I did! So I repented and cried into my pillow the other night. I have also cried a lot inside and out because of the Holocaust. We have watched so many movies about it since January. We lived in a place where thousands of people were actually killed. I saw the shoes that line the Danube in Budapest. My heart is just broken that it happened! No telling the many many stories we have not heard about. It really was not even that long ago that it happened! This life is just so precious, and to see such evil in the world disgusts me and makes me run to God that much more. But what would we expect out of the world? It's the world! Just like we should not put Christian standards on non-Christians and judge them. We need to love people. All too often Christians get puffed up and self-righteous like their sin is "nowhere near as bad as that person's." All God wants us to do is lead people to him. In my opinion, it is not our job to "fix" people's lives. Once people read the Bible, God will begin to work on their hearts. We are to love them and show them compassion. I'm tired. I think people have a misunderstanding of what Christianity is because we (imperfect humans) have complicated it!

On another note, I had a really good weekend spending time with my husband's siblings (minus Aaron) and their spouses. We showed them the house that we should close on soon. On Sunday I helped with a baby shower for a dear friend. I was sitting by the pool and got the idea to write a poem for her and her baby. I sat down to write it and then came up with the idea to make it acrostic to spell out the baby's name. We had a good time at the shower, and I enjoyed having some girl time and catching up with some old, dear friends. Moms just need to re-fuel like that sometimes. I don't have a photo bc my camera's new memory card did not cooperate. What's funny is that at the baby shower I was talking about my sister who is due about the same time as my friend Joelle. And I was looking at all the girly gifts and said "My sister's having a girl. Oh I can't wait so I can spoil her." Then I was like, "did I just say that?!" My sister doesn't even know what she's having! It's funny bc I just assumed she's having a girl, and I caught myself.

Here is the poem I wrote for baby Talitha (Tal-i-tha)

The time has come for your baby girl to arrive
All the planning and waiting since you were a bride
Little fingers and toes, we’re counting the days
It’s a time to rejoice, a time to give thanks
To God our Creator who knew from the start
How this world would be changed and so would our hearts
All because of Talitha Jaine